Thursday, April 27, 2006

My disappearance

I'm sorry to have disappeared on everyone. Life has thrown me some curve balls and I haven't handled them all that well. The thing is, I'm 35 with unexplained infertility. It sucks but that's life. I'm also extremely single. Regardless I had decided a few years ago that I wanted to have a family. Just one or two kids. So I set out to become a single mother by choice. Little did I know what I was in for. I've always had female problems. My body never has danced to the same drummer as everyone else's. When I went to see a specialist I just thought I had fertility drugs in my future. Little did I know how wrong I was. The doctors discovered that I had precancerous cells in the lining of my uterus. It took one d&c, three biopsies, three months on a drug that made me feel like a walking zombie to get that whole mess straightened up. I've been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I don't ovulate and it's really hard to make an omelet without eggs. So we tried clomid. That didn't work. Around November of last year I started on injectable drugs. Everything has looked really good but it still hasn't worked. On the second try I found out four days before Christmas that it didn't work again. I was ok because I thought that I could just get back on the horse so to speak. Then three days before Christmas I found that I couldn't get back on the horse. I had to sit out a month. I don't know why but I completely fell apart. Maybe it was the holidays. Maybe it was the fact that I had been at it for almost a year and had only managed to try twice. For whatever reason I sank fast and hard. January was miserable for me. February things got better. By the end of March I was actually smiling again. Now I'm calm and relaxed...but not simming. In January I messed with the sims some but I didn't go near my legacies. I just couldn't face it. Somehow making babies, even if they were just sim babies, made me burst into tears. By February I had stopped playing TS2 altogether. I didn't crank it up again until April. I still haven't gone near my legacies. I don't know why. I'm not playing much anyway. I think I've played four hours in the last two weeks. I made a new neighborhood and a cute little college elf. I think she's a junior and a romance sim at that. She's already bedded two professors, has changed majors again and has her eyes set on number three. Oh, and she has the hots for the streaker. Maybe I'll keep playing her and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll get back to Eden Falls someday. Right now I just don't know. I felt guilty just leaving without any explanation at all. I have always felt guilty for not updating in a timely manor. Maybe that's weird but it's just the way I am. A big hello to everyone from the yahoo legacy group. I haven't been their since January either. When I go cold turkey I REALLY go cold turkey. Now that I've been away so long I'm not really even sure how to get started again. Am I rambling? Probably. I'd like to thank everyone for their support of this blog (and my others) in the past. I really enjoyed doing it at the time. Maybe I'll be back again someday. Right now I'm just waiting around to see how try number four turns out. Just four more days and I should know. The waiting around is enough to kill a person. Anyway, thanks for stopping by. Thanks for listening. Thanks for everything.

Aquatami (aka Tammy)